"It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days…Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…to throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling…"
— Aldous Huxley, Island (via fables-of-the-reconstruction)
You know how this feels like? My life and my lines are like a broken record that I have to throw away but I can’t because I don’t want to. It’s ready to be thrown out, I just need to do it. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to.
And it’s taking its toll on me. I feel like I’m tiring everybody out already with all my problems and lines and emotions (and it’s not even a matter of accepting the hurt and accepting the pain and every pang of unrightful jealousy that goes through my heart, it’s the thoughtful wish of not feeling them, of just wishing it away but it wouldn’t go away).
I feel out of direction with my life. Like there’s so many things I want to do I don’t know where to start and I don’t know which path to take. It’s like everybody seems so happy with how their post-grad life is going and I’m just sitting here with all the headache. (and/or heartache? lol)
To top everything off, urges are on an all-time high.
and breathe through the nights when the pain seems intolerable
"It’s a strange thing to discover and to believe that you are loved, when you know that there is nothing in you for anybody…"
— Graham Greene, The End of the Affair (via fables-of-the-reconstruction)
when you find out she smashed the homie
either that or they won’t be in town. or in country. and I feel so stuck here with no one to go out with or to have adventures with. It just feels like I keep losing people and thank you universe for making me feel so miserable.
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that the only thing somebody told me after I summarized everything in 3 sentences was, “Lungkot nun. How do you feel?”
First time I actually felt like somebody knew exactly how I feel.
I have to stop writing about a ghost
I play pretend with my mind and entertain thoughts of happy ever after. Some nights I pretend I’m worth it.
"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap."
— Anthony Hopkins (via stay-ocean-minded)